I won't go into why my computer was on the floor in the first place, but it was. I had just returned home from the gym and commented on the odd placement to Terry, and then ran to take a lightning fast shower so we could make our plans on time that evening.
As soon as I reached down to turn off the water, I could hear Terry talking about how we had a serious problem. I pulled open the shower curtain to reveal him with my laptop in one hand and about fifteen to twenty of the keys and their parts falling out of his other. What happened? Well....Taylor.
My first reaction was to just put my towel over my face in devastation. I do not know much about the mechanics of how computers are put together or anything of that nature; I only knew that at appearance, it looked really, really awful. Something like the picture here, though I had to pull this one from the web since I was in no mind frame to actually think, I should take a picture because this will be great for my blog! No, no...quite the opposite, actually. I am ashamed to admit how much anger just started to run through my veins or bloodstream or whatever at that moment. I wanted to shut the shower curtain, retake my shower, and erase the event. All I could think about was how much money, time, and effort it would take to replace my laptop, and that it would all have to get done in a few days as I'm gearing up to teach another round of classes online starting this Sunday. I dried off and got ready to find the culprit, and--yes sir--to punish him. I was so angry! I had heard Terry already reprimand him a bit, but I wasn't satisfied. It was my computer after all, and hadn't I told him so many times before not to touch computers?
At that moment, he, the culprit, TAYLOR, came around the corner into the bedroom, sucking his thumb, looking up at me, clearly knowing he had done something really bad.
Do you know what happened? I didn't feel anger at him, just this overwhelming bubble of love. Yes, he needed to know that he did something wrong. Yes, he needed to learn not to do that again. But yes--I loved him even more and felt compassion for him.
It didn't occur to me right then, or even that day, really, that this must be similar to what God feels towards us (namely me) when we "mess up." I grew up with the incorrect notion that my relationship with God was better and stronger when I was "messing up" less. If I'm totally honest, sometimes I still find myself in that mode of thinking. It's just not correct. God loves us no matter what we do, and while that's not a free pass to metaphorically pull all of the keys off the computer of life, it certainly is freeing to know that He still loves us infinitely, even when we're not so lovable. Just like I felt for Taylor, except my love can never go as deep as God's.
Maybe you're thinking, yeah, I knew that already. Well, so did I, but it's easy for me to forget. I love that God can use my kids to remind me of the quietly simple and profound aspects of serving Him.
(Terry ended up getting the bulk of my keys back on, by the way, so the tragedy has been mostly averted.)
2 comments:
i well remember those days! If one of the girls hadnt thought of something interesting to do the other one did! Three under three was always my excuse! Gods unconditional love is always a reminder when we have children, always a lesson to be learned no matter how old we are! Hang in there girl!
Top Secret Info: One of the cats threw up on my school laptop and now it is shorting out. Ryan thought he had it fixed but it keeps powering down. He thinks he can try another way, hopefully before school starts on Monday! I am glad I have my own personal tech guy rather than having to involve school personnel.
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